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Principle 5 Fierce Conversations

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Fierce Conversations Jan 24, 2019. Susan Scott, leadership development architect and bestselling author of Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time, will introduce you to transformational ideas and principles that will shift your basic understanding of conversations and the power they hold in leadership, building relationships. This month we will practice the principles of Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott. Scott suggest that interpersonal difficulties are a direct result of our inability to communicate well. She offers recommendations to manage intense, strong discussions with grace and skill. Let ter 1 0 – the tiny email app. 5 CONVERSATIONS YOU NEED TO START HAVING TODAY. Our new eBook is now available! Fill out the form to receive your copy today. Albumstomp 1 55 – a powerful album design approach. There's more than one kind of conversation. In the 15-plus years that we've been training people how to talk about what matters, we've pinpointed five critical types. Fierce, Inc., 300 Lenora Street, PMB 1674. Fierce Conversations Principle 2: Three steps to change and coming out from behind the curtain Open the curtain 'Pay no attention to what is behind the curtain.' Such can be said about many people and organisations. The curtain is a metaphor for hidden things not fit for public consumption. Behind the curtain, dirt and grime coat the walls.

Susan Scott Illustrates Seven Principles in Fierce Conversations:

  1. Master the courage to interrogate reality
  2. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real
  3. Be here, prepared to be nowhere else
  4. Tackle your toughest challenge today
  5. Obey your instincts
  6. Take responsibility for your emotional wake
  7. Let silence do the heavy lifting

Several students posted in forums and wrote reflection papers about Scotts book. Some of their work is displayed below.

Scott discusses truth-telling in the first chapter of her book. Students were asked to submit a response to this chapter and an example from college life. Below are the responses of Nate Campagne and Aditi Kini

Susan Scott begins her discussion of 'truth-telling' with a critical acknowledgment: telling the truth, whether to others or to oneself, is rarely a simple task. With this in mind, she points out that 'the truth' is in fact a very subjective concept. Whatever one thinks is true is in fact no more than their perspective on reality, which is why there are almost always multiple truths for any situation. In her words, no one 'owns' the truth. If I were to rewrite her chapter and focus on the truth, I would choose to include the beach ball comparison, because it relates to this important point. The beach ball example asks the reader to imagine a ball with stripes of different colors. The beach ball is gigantic, and it has people living on it. You live on the blue stripe, and everything you experience in life is completely blue. Scott points out how people living on the green stripe would have a different perspective on reality, and therefore a different truth, than you do. However, neither truth is 'more' true. On this beach ball, there are multiple truths that coexist, and if the people of the beach ball are to live harmoniously, they must be aware of this. Scott would likely say that life works just like this beach ball; people have different truths and the only way to interrogate reality is to get everyone, including oneself, to put their truths forward and discuss them fairly. This, however, can be difficult. Many people routinely choose being polite or pleasant over being honest. Telling the truth often leads to conflict, a word that is generally assigned a negative connotation. Scott would likely argue that conflict is in fact healthy when it is the outcome of truth-telling, because contributing to the best of one's ability is only possible when one is being honest and open.

It is important to note that Scott's points on this topic do not just apply to honesty with others, but also to honesty with oneself. Acknowledging something difficult with yourself can be as hard as communicating something difficult to another, and the resulting internal conflict can be just as serious as a conflict between multiple people. However, Scott believs honesty with yourself is just as much if not more important than honesty with others, seeing as it is not really possible to truthfully communicate your ideas to others when you have not confessed them to yourself.

-Nate Campagne

Macgo blu ray player pro 3 2 3. In 'Master the courage to interrogate reality,' Scott notes that while companies and marriages derail because 'people don't say what they're really thinking,' the truth is far from simple and mutates with changing environments. Scott acknowledges that there are some people who are 'difficult' to talk to, but this difficulty can be easily rectified by allowing your own beliefs to change a little, by modifying your way of talking to them. Candid or 'fierce' conversations are usually avoided under the pretext that fierce conversations take too long – however, Scott points out that anything other than truthful conversations take a lot more time. Scott advocates truthfulness because it is direct, it is effective, it saves time and is simply the better way of living life.

If I were to rewrite this chapter to model it for a college student reader, I would use a social example. A majority of the social fabric of our lives is fragile because we are not truthful with our friends. There are times when I have been in the company of people who revolt me but I have not said anything, fearing not having friends at all. When I gathered the strength to make choices regardless of any apprehension, when I was truthful with myself about my priorities and preferences – I started forging a more secure and stable friend circle that supported my convictions. With such truthfulness, I felt more stable about my own choices and my own life.

In the fourth chapter, Scott provides an exercise for readers to tackle issues they might have with someone. The following is a write-up of this exercise by Edward Baker

Opening Statement and its 6 Steps

How to reset mac password terminal. (Conversation I had a few weeks ago; words not in exact form)

Fierce
  1. Name the Issue: Scott, I want to talk to you about the effect that your drinking problem is having on our relationship and those close to you.
  2. Select a Specific Example: When I came to visit you at your house in Boston, we went out with your friends. But when you began to drink you turned into a completely different person. Your personality became violent and aggressive, and was triggered by even the smallest debate with someone. Your girlfriend told me she couldn't even approach you that night because you were too hostile to talk to.
  3. Describe my Emotions about this Issue: The only reason I'm confronting you is because you are one of my best friends. When you drink, your negative actions are distancing yourself from those close to you. These drunken rages make it difficult for anyone to want to be your friend. Your girlfriend feels agrees with me to even a greater degree.
  4. Clarify What is at Stake: If you continue to drink and assume the role of aggressive threat to those around you, then you're going to lose those around you who are close to you. Christina will fail to see the benefits of dating you when your drunkenness cause you to be verbally abusive towards her. You will be left with the friends who do not care enough to tell you to change, who put up with your drunken behavior as a small, seldom-seen inconvenience.
  5. Indentify My Contribution to this Problem: To a small degree, I blame myself for the way you act when you get drunk. I provoke these rages by allowing you to drink until you are unable to discern appropriate behavior. I did not notice, until I witnessed you when I was sober, the extent of your behavioral change when you consume alcohol.
  6. Indicate my Wish to Resolve this Issue: This is what I want to change about you, Scott- I want to decrease the amount of alcohol you consume on a given weekend night. In effect, I think it will be beneficial to everyone around you.
  7. Invite Him to Respond: I just want to know why you do it so I can help your attempt to lose dependence on drinking. What are you not telling those close to you about your life that is causing you to lash out when you are under the influence of alcohol

-Edward Baker

Fierce Conversations Notes

Download widgets mac. Students were asked what part of the fifth chapter, dealing with the principle of obeying one's instincts resonated most with them. Below is the response that Gabriel Rossman submitted.

Fierce Conversations Summary By Chapter

Chapter 5 of Scott's 'Fierce Conversations' was profound and bursting with many insightful, practical observations that resonated with me. One part of the chapter that was particularly enlightening for me was Scott's assertion that 'in fierce conversations, there is neither a struggle for approval nor an attempt to persuade' (167). When I read this passage, I took a moment to reflect on typical conversations that I have in my own life. I realized that many of my conversations could more accurately be classified as 'arguments'—they lack the 'interchange of ideas' that can only occur when there is a reciprocity of attentiveness, respect, and humility between two people engaging in a conversation. Rather than 'disclosing my inner thoughts while actively inviting others to do the same,' which Scott identifies as a necessary criterion for 'fierce conversations' to be possible, many of my interactions are marred with restraint (i.e., a suppression of my left-column or 'private thoughts') and a lack of respect for the ideas of others that manifests itself in my forcefully imploring others to accept my beliefs. Needless to say, Scott's chapter has illuminated tendencies that I commonly exhibit that are deleterious to genuine and positive interaction, and has forced me to reconsider the way that I conduct myself in conversation with others.

Principle 5 Fierce Conversations Examples

Worksheet
  1. Name the Issue: Scott, I want to talk to you about the effect that your drinking problem is having on our relationship and those close to you.
  2. Select a Specific Example: When I came to visit you at your house in Boston, we went out with your friends. But when you began to drink you turned into a completely different person. Your personality became violent and aggressive, and was triggered by even the smallest debate with someone. Your girlfriend told me she couldn't even approach you that night because you were too hostile to talk to.
  3. Describe my Emotions about this Issue: The only reason I'm confronting you is because you are one of my best friends. When you drink, your negative actions are distancing yourself from those close to you. These drunken rages make it difficult for anyone to want to be your friend. Your girlfriend feels agrees with me to even a greater degree.
  4. Clarify What is at Stake: If you continue to drink and assume the role of aggressive threat to those around you, then you're going to lose those around you who are close to you. Christina will fail to see the benefits of dating you when your drunkenness cause you to be verbally abusive towards her. You will be left with the friends who do not care enough to tell you to change, who put up with your drunken behavior as a small, seldom-seen inconvenience.
  5. Indentify My Contribution to this Problem: To a small degree, I blame myself for the way you act when you get drunk. I provoke these rages by allowing you to drink until you are unable to discern appropriate behavior. I did not notice, until I witnessed you when I was sober, the extent of your behavioral change when you consume alcohol.
  6. Indicate my Wish to Resolve this Issue: This is what I want to change about you, Scott- I want to decrease the amount of alcohol you consume on a given weekend night. In effect, I think it will be beneficial to everyone around you.
  7. Invite Him to Respond: I just want to know why you do it so I can help your attempt to lose dependence on drinking. What are you not telling those close to you about your life that is causing you to lash out when you are under the influence of alcohol

-Edward Baker

Fierce Conversations Notes

Download widgets mac. Students were asked what part of the fifth chapter, dealing with the principle of obeying one's instincts resonated most with them. Below is the response that Gabriel Rossman submitted.

Fierce Conversations Summary By Chapter

Chapter 5 of Scott's 'Fierce Conversations' was profound and bursting with many insightful, practical observations that resonated with me. One part of the chapter that was particularly enlightening for me was Scott's assertion that 'in fierce conversations, there is neither a struggle for approval nor an attempt to persuade' (167). When I read this passage, I took a moment to reflect on typical conversations that I have in my own life. I realized that many of my conversations could more accurately be classified as 'arguments'—they lack the 'interchange of ideas' that can only occur when there is a reciprocity of attentiveness, respect, and humility between two people engaging in a conversation. Rather than 'disclosing my inner thoughts while actively inviting others to do the same,' which Scott identifies as a necessary criterion for 'fierce conversations' to be possible, many of my interactions are marred with restraint (i.e., a suppression of my left-column or 'private thoughts') and a lack of respect for the ideas of others that manifests itself in my forcefully imploring others to accept my beliefs. Needless to say, Scott's chapter has illuminated tendencies that I commonly exhibit that are deleterious to genuine and positive interaction, and has forced me to reconsider the way that I conduct myself in conversation with others.

Principle 5 Fierce Conversations Examples

Principle 5 Fierce Conversations Definition

Another aspect of the reading that fascinated and resonated with me was what Scott called 'perception checking,' a process that she defines as 'bringing these [private or left-column] thoughts into the public conversation without attachment' (175). In my daily life, I often find myself repressing and ignoring the running commentary of private thoughts that I constantly experience; often, I am frustrated and feel as though, by not expressing my private thoughts, I am not fully present, not bringing my total attention or my most true self to my interactions. This leaves me feeling void and vacuous. One major reason why I do not commonly express my private thoughts is that I am opinionated and argumentative—I am not good at facilitating conversation, and instead tend to simply assert my opinions in order to challenge others. Thus, I have learned from experience that it is not always safe to express my private thoughts, even though many of these thoughts are insightful and could be immensely valuable to many of my interactions. The reason why Scott's notion of 'perception checking' resonated so much with me is because it describes a method of expressing those important inner thoughts in a detached, humble way that facilitates communication, does not presuppose that those ideas are a priori truths, and invites others to offer their own perspectives. As Scott says, 'it is not our disclosures that cause distress. It's our attachment to them, our belief they are right' (177); in fact, non-disclosures are certainly more likely to cause distress. It is crucial that we express our private thoughts in instances when they could be valuable to a conversation, and, in chapter 5, Scott presents us with a practical way to do so that facilitates conversation, dialogue, and genuine communication.

Fierce Conversations Worksheet

-Gabriel Rossman





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